But this does not always work out: emotions take over and we exhaust ourselves with claims. How to criticize yourself correctly, says Anna Vinogradova, a psychotherapist, expert of the Culture of Health project.
– In order to work with guilt and shame, it is important not only to accept them, but also to learn how to criticize yourself correctly. This will allow you to better understand yourself and gain freedom from destructive thoughts and feelings.
- Get rid of false guilt. The feeling of guilt is basic and at the same time one of the most destructive for a person. By this I mean that the concepts of “being guilty” and “feeling guilty” are completely different. And if the first can be connected with legally significant facts, then in the second case we are talking about emotions in our head. Unfortunately, others are very fond of causing a false sense of guilt – our relatives, friends, work colleagues. My advice is don’t be manipulated, be open about what you like and don’t like, and never be afraid to offend with what you say.
- Don’t compare yourself to others and always rememberA: You don’t have to be better than someone else, you have to be better than you were in the past. Instead of comparing, try to find the reasons for your unhealthy feeling. Remember if your parents criticized you, think about why you need to take first place all the time. Understand that these reasons no longer have any effect on you in real life.
- Learning Constructive Criticism. When the emotions subsided, ask yourself the question: what did I do wrong in this situation? Are these my high expectations or can I really change something in my actions? Criticize not yourself, but actions: not “I’m bad”, but “I’m constantly late for work.” Further justify the criticism: “I am late for work and do not have time to prepare for an important meeting.” After justification, offer yourself a solution: set the alarm for half an hour earlier or not schedule important meetings in the morning.
